Questions for Self-Reflection During Life Transitions in Christian Marriage
- Mayra Richards
- 16 hours ago
- 5 min read
By Mayra Richards, Founder of Remain Connected Counseling
“How have you changed?” I heard these words as I was sitting in a cottage in Belt, Montana waiting for my husband, Gavin, to wake up. Gavin and I had been disconnected because of life stressors and work schedules. I was trying to tell God all the ways that Gavin has changed since we started dating and God asked me, “Hey, just wondering, how have you changed?” It stopped me short as a wake-up call, a true humility moment. You see, when I get stressed, it is so easy to look at others to blame. I so very quickly want to go into “Please-fix-them-God” mode instead of looking at the ways that I am impacting others, and how polite (or not) I am being.
So, I went ahead and listed the ways that I’ve changed since I started dating Gavin. And wow! I miss that side of me! The side of me that used to write him notes inside his lunch or who was way more carefree and trusting. I realized that as much as I was missing who we were, I was mostly missing who I was.
Before we left on our trip, we got some news about a couple of things for which we had been asking the Lord. The answers were not “No”, but “Maybe.” There is nothing that I like less than a Maybe. I’d rather hear a “No” because I can deal with disappointment, (I’ll just cry it out, talk it out, cry some more, and be good again), but the waiting… Well, I am still learning to deal with the waiting. I started asking God to tell me quickly what He wanted me to do because I want to be obedient, but mostly (and honestly), I do not want to feel the excruciating tension of the waiting. I know how to celebrate and I know how to mourn. The in between is less clear and more work to me. (More on waiting in the next blog post!)
Entering this trip, I was feeling highly stressed and sensitive. Since I could not control the things happening around us, I wanted to control my most favorite person, my spouse, hence telling God all the things He needed to change about Gavin. When God turned the question on me, it was the grace I needed to realize where my heart was and how I was operating from a desire for control. Control leads us to believe that we have power over people or things that we do not. It is a false feeling of powerfulness.
Have you ever felt that way? You try to convince God that it is really not your fault but your spouse's heart that is the problem. You try to convince yourself that if that one person could change then life would be better. I am here to tell you that it wouldn't be better because you would still be the same unless you sit with God and allow Him to ask you the hard questions that give you fresh perspective and humility.
Ultimately, what came out of the conversation with God was that I was scared of my disconnection from Gavin and I thought the only way back towards connection was for him to change because I was too stressed out and exhausted to put any more effort into self reflection. I wanted Gavin to do all the work but this is simply not how marriage works.

Marriage is putting effort into communication, especially when you do not want to. Your connection with your spouse is worth the discomfort.
Marriage is opening yourself up to God to allow Him to show you the places that need tending to and reshaping. Marriage is allowing both individuals to have different needs and the desire to serve one another to achieve those needs. Marriage is not about blaming the other person but instead looking into oneself and asking the question, “How can I do better? How can I bring peace into this covenant?”
If you can answer these questions, then any disconnection from your spouse will feel minimal. You will feel powerful enough to get connection back with your spouse. I am still learning this myself and I continue to pray for the humility to embrace how I have changed from those early dating days. I pray that God continues to work on my heart so that I am shaped into the kind of spouse that values connection over discomfort, and peace over control.

Begin Working With A Therapist in Marietta or Cartersville, GA - Virtual Counseling Available
If you find yourself struggling to handle conflict, remember that you are not alone. Our team of caring therapists would be honored to offer support with in-person and online services from our Marietta, GA-based practice. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
1. Reach out to talk to a therapist in Marietta, GA.
2. Have your first appointment at Remain Connected.
3. Start learning to handle conflict in a healthy way.
Other Services Offered at Remain Connected Counseling
Our team knows you may experience more than stress and anxiety related to conflict. This is why we are happy to offer a variety of services including teen therapy, anxiety treatment, and EMDR therapy. In addition, we also offer life transitions therapy, depression counseling, and more all under a Christian counseling lens. By using online therapy, these services are available to anyone in Georgia. Learn more about our team of dedicated therapists and contact us for more information.
Our Therapy Locations in Georgia
Marietta Office
In-Person Therapy on Windy Hill Road near Smyrna - Remain Connected Counseling is conveniently situated at 2480 Windy Hill Rd, Suite 200, Marietta, GA, near The Battery Atlanta, Truist Park, and Cumberland Mall. Our office is easily accessible from I-75 and I-285, making it a convenient option for therapy clients in Marietta, Smyrna, Vinings, Kennesaw, Sandy Springs, and Atlanta. Whether you're seeking support for anxiety, depression, relationships, life transitions, or personal growth, our team of dedicated Christian therapists is here to walk alongside you. In the Marietta office, we have therapists who accept United HealthCare, Aetna, Cigna, Optum, UMR, and GEHA.
Virtual Office
Online Counseling Available Across Georgia – Remain Connected Counseling offers virtual therapy sessions for individuals, couples, and families throughout the state of Georgia. Whether you're in Atlanta, Marietta, Roswell, Decatur, Canton, or beyond, our team of experienced Christian therapists is here to support you from the comfort of your own home. Enjoy the flexibility and convenience of online counseling that fits your schedule and needs, no matter where you are in Georgia. In the virtual office, we have therapists who accept United HealthCare, Aetna, Cigna, Optum, UMR, and GEHA.
Cartersville Office
Our Cartersville office is conveniently located at 600 South Tennessee Street, Cartersville, GA 30120, near Downtown Cartersville, the Booth Western Art Museum, and Dellinger Park. Easily accessible from Highway 41 and I-75, we proudly serve individuals and couples in Cartersville, Acworth, Emerson, Adairsville, and surrounding communities. Whether in-person or online, our compassionate Christian therapists are here to support you on your journey to healing, growth, and connection. At the Cartersville office, Suzy specializes in Christian premarital and marital counseling. She offers both Focus on the Family and Prepare/Enrich assessments for couples in the Cartersville area or virtual throughout the state of Georgia.
***Please note that this blog is NOT intended as official therapeutic advice of any kind.
Yorumlar